I’ve got Good News and I’ve got Bad News…The Bad News...Change Ain’t Quick or Easy
From Chapter 12 – Bringing About Change
The Process of Change
First a reminder of what exactly we are trying to do/change: Eliminate our negative behaviors and states of mind.
The necesssary elements
Learning
Conviction
Determination
Action
Effort
Learning – becoming educated about the negative behaviors. Easy example – you want to quit smoking – we all know the dangers of smoking, but in the past these health risks were not as commonly known so someone who wanted to quit smoking might have had to do more research. Better example for day’s culture – drinking alcohol. The U.S. is an alcohol drenched culture. We are full of rationalizations about our alcohol consumption – everything from articles about how GOOD a glass of wine is for you to comparing yourself with your closest friends (“Well at least I drink less than so and so.”) To saying to yourself – I worked hard today, I deserve this. If you want to stop or cut back on drinking, do some research – learn about the real health consequences, take a look at how much you are spending (how it’s impacting your monthly budget, examine how you feel in the morning and research what that actually means, etc. That part is easy. After you find out the truth, making the change is much more difficult and requires the other elements…
“No matter what behavior you are seeking to change, no matter what particular goal or action you are directing your efforts towards, you need to start b developong a strong willingness or wish to do it. You need to generate great enthusiasm. And, here, a sense of urgency is a key factor.” p. 220-221
For the Buddhist, but also for our Western culture, this sense of urgency can come from a realization of our own IMPERMANCE and the preciousness of the human/material body we occupy. But what if that doesn’t provide the “energy” we need to make the change?
The Dalai Lama’s rely was interesting. He referred to the potential reasons for the LACK of energy/enthusiasm. In other words, if we are not enthusiastic about making changes that will create positive results, there must be reason. He sites a few reasons. The first is biological. We are “apathetic” to making positive changes possibly due to lack of sleep, unhealthy diet, alcohol, etc. The second is mental. Mental apathy. In order to eliminate the mental apathy he recommends reminding ourselves of the negative consqueneces of our negative behaviors and states of mind. So how do we do that?
Bad behaviors are simply bad habits. “By using habitution to our advantage. Through constant familiarity, we can definitely establish new behavior patterns…by making a steady effort, I think we can overcome any form of negative conditioning and make positive changes in our lives. But the genuine change doesn’t happen overnight.” p. 224-225
So there you have it. The bad news. It doesn’t seem that we are going to get a quick fix here. But we all knew that right? But let’s plug forward…
“Essentially, there are two kinds of emotions or states of mind: positive and negative.” Positive emotions can be justified and negative emotions cannot be justified. Positive emotions have a solid foundation. Negative emotions don’t. Example – our desire for basic survival needs can be viewed as a positive emotion and because everyone wants to survive (and has the right to survival) that desire can be justified and has a strong foundation (positive emotion). Excess and greed have no solid basis – we don’t need this – so they have no justification and no foundation (negative emotion). The ‘antedote’ to negative states of mind (also here referred to delusions/afflications of the mind) is the development of mental qualities such as patience, tolerance, and kindness, love and compassion.
All of this might be attainable to a Buddhist monk, but what about the rest of us?
Making an effort with realistic expectations are the final factors. The next part of the chapter is very dense and makes too many references to specific Buddhist practices for me to get into here. However, the basic (and once again common sense answer) looks like this. We have to be realistic about how quickly changes will come about. If we set ideals and expect to meet these idealic goals, not only will we fail, but we will feel UNHAPPY. Defeated. Makes total sense.
Much of this chapter reminded me of two pieces I taught in my Intro class called Pascal’s Wager written by Blaise Pascal and The Will to Believe written by William James.
Pascal’s Wager is essentially a dialogue between Pascal and a non-believer in which Pascal frames belief in God as a wager. He argues that one ought to chose to believe in God because the payoff for beleiving is an INFINITE/eternal life (in the afterlife with God) while the wager/stake is merely a finite life of practicing and living the life of faith. So, whatever one might have to give up in this finite life to be a believer, is well worth the infinite payoff for believing. The non-believer (one who chooses not to believe) may enjoy this finite life but the infinite loss (after death) is misery. As the conversation continues, the non-believer objects, stating, one doesn’t simply just snap their fingers and start believing. To this Pascal responds, go to church and act as though you believe and eventually you will believe.
I mention this not because I’m encouraging belief in Catholicism or Buddhism, rather because those final thougts about acting like you believe and eventually you will, always stuck with me. My students scoffed at this by the way. “Fake it til you make it” they’d say. But something tells me that if you want to change habits, even if you don’t really think you can, you have to act like you do.
James’ article makes a Pragmatic argument for having religious belief. His article is in response to a group call “Absolutists” who argued that you shouldn’t believe in ANYTHING without the possiblity of gathering sufficient EVIDENCE. Thus, since faith or religious belief runs counter to actual evidence (I know some of you will disagree with this as well), the Absolutists argue that it’s just totally wrong to believe and causes all kinds of harms to society. James’ on the other hand makes a case that believing certain things – those things for which there is no clear evidence like religion and morality – are not only possible, but could prove to be beneficial. He further claims that decisions about belief are rooted in 2 emotions, either fear or hope. He says some opt not to beleive out of fear of being duped (if there’s no evidence or if God doesn’t actually exist, I’ll look like a fool for beleiving). While others opt to beleive based on the hope of something eternally good. Ultimately if beleiving is an option (here is gets more specific and you’d have to read the article for that) for you than, why not chose hope over fear.
Again, I’m not using this article to convince you to take on a religious belief. Not my thing. But I’ve always loved the idea of choosing Hope over Fear. I’ve recently been challenged with believing in someone close to me. Some think I’m nuts for chosing to have faith in this person. I have definitely had moments when I feel “foolish” for believing. But I do. I’ve chosen hope instead of fear.
This book, though I’m not finished yet, has presented me (and you readers) with a way toward a richer life of happiness. It’s clearly all up to me. It feels like a daunting task and it feels too late in some respects. Did I mention I’m 61? Ha! And yet, I think I have a choice to believe in myself AND OTHERS around me and have hope that I can ever so slowly bring about some positive changes. For the past weeks since I started this book, I literally wake up everyday and tell myself. Be kind. Be compassionate. Then, in the middle of the day I tell myself. Be kind. Be compassionate. Then in the evening I tell myself. Be kind. Be compassionate.
There’s more to say but I have to stop for now. It’s time for my art lesson. And you are probably wondering “where’s the good news”…..To that I say, look again. 😉 Thanks for reading friends.
