The Art of Happiness – Excerpts and Reflections 8

From Chapter 10 Shifting Perspective

“The ability to look at events from different perspectives can be very helpful…It seems that often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention may be focused on worrying about the problem, and we may have a sense that we’re the only one that is going through such difficulties. This can lead to a kind of self-absorption that can make the problem seem very intense.” p 173

I’m currently taking painting lessons from a new teacher. As some of you know I dove into acrylic painting on canvas during covid. Recently I decided to switch to oil. It’s been a disaster. I have no idea what I’m doing. The canvas has been a mess. The house smells like mineral spirits. Awful. Just awful. So I found a teacher. He insisted we start from the beginning – drawing. NOT painting. Ok Ok. I said. I’ll do it. I had my first lesson last week. He had set up 2 easels side by side and a still life for us to work on together. Every few minutes, as I was drawing, he interrupted me and said “Step back and have a look.” At first, I’d take 3 steps back and he’d say, “No, come back here.” Way back. Totally different perspective. It changes everything.

I could totally relate to this idea of narrow minded thinking. I get very irritated with others when they seem to be thinking narrow-mindedly about an important issue, but I can also see myself doing it about my own life. Yuk. So, I’m thinking this week’s mantra is “Step back Trish. See the big picture.” And when you think you’ve stepped back far enough….go a little further.

“Generally speaking, once you’re already in a difficult situation, it isn’t possible to change your attitude simply by adopting a particular thought once or twice. Rather’s it’s through a process of learning, training, and getting used to new viewpoints that enables you to deal with the difficulty.” p. 176

Something to remember as I move forward with this chapter…when we speak of “events” or “problems” we are actually often talking about other people causing us pain. With this in mind the different/broader perspective might require you to try to find positive aspects in a person with whom you are having the difficulty.

“If, however, in spite of your efforts, you do not find any such positive angles or perspectives to a person’s act, then for the time being the best course of action may be to simply try to forget about it.” p 176

This leads to the next section of the chapter…A New Perspective of the Enemy

The Dalai Lama points out the futility of taking revenge on our enemy. This only leads to vicious cycle of tit for tat – if you wrong me I’ll wrong you back and so forth and so on. In this case he is referring to a more global situation in which case the enemy is another country.

In Buddhism, seeing one’s enemy as a gift and showing the enemy compassion is crucial to spiritual developement. Why a gift? The Dalai Lama explains that for the most part we don’t encounter folks who require us to practice patience (not sure I agree with this), so when we do engage with someone who does require us to practice patience, we should see this as a gift.

“In fact, the enemy is the necessary condition for practicing patience (and tolerance). Without an enemy’s action, there is no possibility for patience or tolerance to arise.” p. 179

Recall hatred is an obstacle to happiness. Having enemies is a natural occurance to the human condition. So embracing the enemy as a gift, developing patience and tolerance toward the enemy will then eliminate the hatred and foster the path toward happiness. As mentioned above if one cannot find a more positive perspective then perhaps it’s “best to forget about it.”

The term enemy is another strong word. Perhaps it’s easy to think of another country as our enemy but on a daily basis we don’t necessarily think of individuals we bump into as our enemy – yet there are definitely folks who test our patience. And, in fact, there are people who because of circumstances in a particular moment FEEL like the enemy. Cutler told a story about being extremely aggrevated by a women on a plane. He was hoping for an aisle seat but ended up in the middle and the woman next to him was really annoying him. She felt like the enemy because she simply had the seat he wanted. He was boiling with aggrevation. Having just had the converation with the Dalai Lama about the enemy he realized what he was doing and tried to have patience for this woman. It didn’t work – and he just continued to be aggrevated. Finally, he noticed her wrist and thought, “Do I hate that wrist?” No he thought. Do I hate that arm? No he thought. And so on until he realized there was nothing he actually hated about this woman. That she was just a human being sitting next to him. He came up with this little exercise to in a way sooth himself and ease his aggrevation.

I have a lot of friends who seem to see Trump or Biden as “the enemy” They seem to have extreme hatred for one or the other. I smiled a bit thinking about them seeing Trump or Biden as a precious gift to practice patience. I personally, in this instance, prefer to take the other method and “just forget about it.”

I don’t want this blog to be about politics but I do think our current and recent past political climate has caused a lot of unhappiness/suffering/hatred for many people. I’ll leave today’s post with the Dalai Lama’s wisdom. 1. Step back and see the big picture. 2. If you can’t find anything positive, forget it (at least for a while). 3. Avoid extremes. 4. Practice patience.